Simply Whack!

Song for Yap Ah Loy

2006-09-02T15:18:00.000+08:00

While i'm in the mood i thought i'd pen a little operatic ditty for the soundtrack to the last post.

I kind of imagine a Tim Rice arrangement ina Evita stylee- sung quietly at first ,with the orchestra building in the second verse, to the full choir in the last verse, climaxing in an explosive and triumphant end. Oh yeah!

I used to be famous.
I'm not anymore.
I used to be someone,
But that was before.

Thought what i did mattered,
But now it ain't so.
I guess it must be time
for me to go.

I helped build this city,
Got rich eating sand.
Kids today just say
(ch. yeah whatever!)
they "don't understand".

Thought what i did counted
but that's not to be.
I knew how to cook-
just didn't have "the look",
to make history.

Nothing was easy
when i was a boy.
that's how i grew up to be
(CH. That's how he grew up to be!)
That's how I grew up to be
YAP AH LOY!

A New Short History of Bolehsia

2006-09-01T15:59:00.000+08:00

Ok. so there's been a little commotion raised in the Dewan Rakyat about the way "History books do not reflect the nations' past ". Certain people and events that were a part of the fabric of Bolehsian history, have now been deemed "insufficiently interesting" to qualify for a place in our school textbooks.
The issue was raised by the venerable MP Dr Weekas Ong (GN Blackwater), who wondered what happened to the good old days ,and why people like Patrick Teoh and Mano Maniam had been writen out of history.
A very important point Dr Weekas. But no worries, the Education Ministry's Parliamentary Secretary, Piko Maladev, had this base expertly covered:
"...History textbooks currently in use were based on a revision of the school's syllabus, carried out in stages by the ministry since 2006," she said. What's more, "the syllabus is based on proven historical facts obtained from research by historians,academics and individuals."
As if no one was convinced of this, Maladev also explained that, "Research showed that students were not interested in history, they had difficulty understanding facts and were only memorising information without appreciating the subject.We decided to consolidate the facts to make the subject less boring."

Everything clear? If not ,then you must have been one of those who were asleep at the back of the class during lessons. Not much point in asking if it was anything to do with the way the subject was taught, or if there were sufficient access to materials and supplementary texts for teachers and students . No? Just a thought.
Anyway, I 'm writing about this because i think the EM's honourable eminance is right, It's about time we made history less complicated and more 'happening'.

It's time for Bolehean History the Remix.

Perhaps it could go something like this:

First there was King Parameswara . He was a wonderful leader who made everything he touched really great. After being very busy defeating all the forces of the dark empire and banishing them to Middle Earth, King Parameswara was tired and needed to take it easy and relax for awhile.

He had a pet baby deer and he used to take it along to picnic and frolic under an old Ipoh tree by a rivermouth.

As time went by more and more people heard about this place and started to go there quite regularly.The once quiet pristine river bank became crowded and trampled and the river became very muddy.

" Even though it this idyllic location has been thrashed, many people still seem to like this spot, for the people....they keep on coming," observed, the Mighty King P.
"I, will build a Picnic Centre here .There shall be lots of food stalls that do Seafood Tom Yam,Mee Goreng, and even Burgers and drinks and that kind of thing. Then people wouldn't have to worry about bringing their own food.It would be more convenient for everyone.I will build it and the people will come" said the king. (Thus was born the idea of convenience food.)

"I will name this place The Muddy Rivermouth Picnic Spot and Seafood Centre," said the great leader. Except for the 'Seafood centre' part, which with the rest of it was a bit of a mouthful, everyone agreed it was a good idea.

The food stalls were built, banners hung up, and people from miles around, and even further away than that, flocked to the Muddy Rivermouth to have their picnic. Word of this wonderful picnic paradise and seafood centre, spread like wildfire. It became the world's first ever tourist attraction
Despite the overcrowding, the escalating cost of tom yam, and the odd petty crime and the serious lack of parking places, the humble Muddy River Picnic spot and eating place was a great sucess. It eventually became the happening city we live in today.

King Parameswara had two children, a boy and a girl. He named them Bawi and Cindy.They both grew up to be very handsome and very beautiful.They were both blessed with magical singing voices. Whenever there was any hardship or strife in the land, whenever the nation was in any sort of difficulty, Prince Bawi and Princess Cindy would sing, and everyones troubles would melt away because their voices were so beautiful and lovely.

Prince Bawi was such a great, brave and courageous singer that he even won the extremely challenging Akademi Fantastica Singing Championships, where all the best singers in the land get together to do a sort of Rockstar elimination thing. Bawi was the best and never got eliminated and he won!

Prince Bawi is truly awesome and handsome, and all the ladies like him too. He invented Television and recently pioneered the first live television broadcast of a Boyfriend and Girlfriend splitting up. It was him and his ex, but it was a cool idea and it is going be made into a regular reality TV show.

The beautiful Princess Cindy found and married her Prince Charming. He is a brilliant , dashing and successful business tycoon, And also a kind of a prince. His mysterious moniker is, the "Datuk Formerly Known As Symbol" .Together he and his beautiful bride pioneered another reality TV show called Extreme Weddings-
based on their own gorgeous faitytale fantasy wedding which was held at the most glamourous shopping centre in the country. (Putting many Cecil B. de Mil productions to shame).

Despite the tiny glitch of not being able to be whisked away on a horse driven carriage (-no horses allowed inside the shopping centre) , the show was a a history making success of epic proportions. A marriage made in shoppers Heaven, watched by more than half the population of Kuala Lipis.

Bolehsia boleh!
And they all lived happily ever after.

That about covers all the Bolehsian history from the very begining of time until the present day.

All the names that used to be in the school textbooks for Bolehsian History can now be published in a separate occasional supplement with the TV guide, with the catchy title of Astro/NOVIP ( Not Very Interesting People).This way, no one gets left out.

Scooby Doo and The Last Supper-The Da Vinci Cod

2006-05-19T10:21:00.000+08:00

With more than 50 million copies sold and translations made in 44 languages
Dan Brown's 'The Da Vinci Code" has to be the most disappointing thing I've ever read .
50 million people read it .Everyone i spoke to ( 6 of them) who read it said they loved it, Am I the only one who didn't? Did i miss something there? I don't think so. You smile because I'm different, I laugh because you're all the same.

Intriguing as the storyline might have seemed ,it turns out to be a thinly woven web of crap.
I thought that the characters seemed to be modelled on characters from Scooby Doo- Velma and the other guy who is not Shaggy . The Robert Langdon And Sophie Noveau of Brown's novel are unoriginal, mediocre , uninspiring and totally incidental to the "Conspiracy storyline". Sod that.
The story,and the plot and dialogue are predictable ,boring, and contrived - everything that happens in the book relies on purely on coincidence .-"Were trapped! But Wow! what's this?- a secret escape hatch! " "We're lost... Hey! I found a way out!" Sod that!
The "conpiracy" revealed has been known to house wives around the globe since before the covered wagon was introduced to cowboys- so what's secret about it! -Sod that!
That this sort of 'cartoon reality'cheesiness can cause such a religious stir around the globe is beyond my ken. So sod that too.
No doubt all the controversy and media hoohah will only help to make the movie of the book a box office smash, and yes i will probably get around to watching the movie one day in the distant future, but this weekend I'm going to watch something that does not pretend to be sophisticated and intellectual- something likeThe New Adventures of Scooby Doo!

My Verdict: The Da Vinci Code= Utter Shite

Panther Squirrel Vs Elephape

2006-04-21T13:13:00.000+08:00

In an Animal Showdown scenario which of these guys would win?

I' ve got to get one of these!

2006-04-21T12:48:00.000+08:00

I received some pictures by this artist in my email. I know nothing about Worth 1000.com, but the hybrid Budgeriguanas are lovely!

Iron Eagle Claw vs Mincing Monkey Fist

2006-04-18T19:02:00.000+08:00

These are out-takes from a commercial shoot for an Olympus mju Digital Camera.
A friend suggested I go for the casting and the production company picked me because they thought i look like Kwan Teck Hing(a celebrated actor of many Hongkong made Kung Fu movies circa 1950's: most famously cast as as Wong Fei Hong (can't remember the names of the films though)

Which of these poses worries you the most?

Who needs slogans?

2006-04-18T18:12:00.000+08:00

It's cool.
It's pointless.
It's absurd.
Is it Art?

"Memoirs of a Geisha"

2006-04-18T16:28:00.000+08:00

If i had had my way, this excellent photograph that i took of the junk in my storeroom would have been the cover of the book or the poster for the movie.
Whateverrrr.....their loss.

Thought for the day

2006-01-19T11:47:00.000+08:00

What rhymes with sausage?

A really cool idea

2006-01-18T10:33:00.000+08:00

If you've ever wondered how to link your cyber vision, text, pictures and sound to the material world, click here to check out to a really cool idea.Lots of potential!(once i figure out how to work it)
I tried it myself but found a problem with the url, which could just be the slow learner in me.

Sphere eats Humvee for breakfast!

2006-01-12T15:11:00.000+08:00

Hit he road Jack-The Ultimate Ride in SSUV's! (super spherical utility vehicles )

0-30 in 2hours
36mph max speed

3 gallons per mile
30,000 gallon fuel capacity
2.0 Daihatsu super delta turbo engine
345bhp
18x18 wheel drive w/ISS* *(interactive steering system)

VHT1* Ignition system *(very hi tech one)
AVN* Fully independant Suspension *(also vey nice )
DPP* Exhaust system *(Don't play play)
Air con
Air bag
Air brake
CD/ DigitalRadio w/Quadrophonic Hyperblaster speakers
Free 'in your face' car sticker!

So where d' you wanna go babe?

Things to do on a rainy day # 7:Nude fly Centrefold

2006-01-03T17:20:00.000+08:00

This isn't one of those 'if you stare at it hard enough' pictures....But it could be!

Enlarge it on your screen have a good hard stare at it.

Let me know if you see anything other than five clothespegs and loads of flies on fly paper.
(I'm pretty sure one of them looked a bit like Britney.)

Alternatively, have a go a guessing the number of legs there are in the picture.

Even more alternatively,
don't bother.

Look what they did to the green green grass of home

2006-01-03T16:05:00.000+08:00

( If you know the tune to Tom Jones'Green green grass of home ...then clear your throats,take a deep breath ....and, altogether now, a one two three four)

The old home town still looks the same
as I step down off the train.
There to meet me is my mama
and my papa.
Down the road i look and...

Tropical New Year Greetings!

2006-01-02T20:00:00.000+08:00

Sorry this is a little late, but I was on 2 day holiday in a traffic jam somewhere south of Port Dickson.
Hope eveyone managed to survive the season and had a happy time what ever you were doing and wherever you were. As usual we didn't get any snow this year.We never do, being this close to the equator. However it was very rainy;with scattered showers everywhere, mainly overcast with gale force winds and the rest of it all over the place.Ya man! Totally tropically wet.
Saw this greetings 'waterfall' out in the middle of nowhere (Negeri Sembilan).Respect due to the committee that organized this lovely suprise.
Have a Very Happening 2006 !

Mysterious Giant Alien Sphere Rounded Up In Sungai Udang

2005-12-30T21:37:00.000+08:00

Port Dickson, 28th Dec2005,
Residents of Kg.Durrian Tunggal had a freaky suprise this afternoon ,when a large unidentified round object trundled past their windows.The mysterious round object, which was spherical in shape and extremely large in size , appeared from out of nowhwere at around12.30pm and rolled slowly down the road.

SPHERE OF TERROR!!!
According to one eyewitness report,"It was very large, about the size of a small supermarket.
It made a low rumbling noise and it travelled at half the speed of a walking goat; tearing branches from the trees, breaking telephone wires and bending road signs and lamp posts along the way.This is not normal."
.
PANIC!!
Panic nearly set in when hundreds of unaware motorists discovered that they seemed to be dragged in the wake of the mysterious sphere. Even children, and some small animals, were sucked out if their homes towards the path of the sphere.
Experts are considering the theory that this could have been "some kind of force field or tractor beam, or something. "

After a bewildering three hour ordeal authorities were able to intercept and immobilize the sphere by securing, what appeared to be, a magic banner to its side. To the great relief of onlookers,
it was then rolled onto the back of a trailer and driven to a secret
location several kilometers away.

WEIRD!
-apart from a few twisted lamposts,
some broken branches
and a couple of dangling phone wires,
and a crying infant,
and one oddly paralysed chicken

.... It left no sign of ever having been there.

Random nostalgic flashback

2005-12-15T11:01:00.000+08:00

While contemplating how to make a Bra tree (possibly a future post) -i had this random nostalgic flashback:
KualaLumpur circa late1960's-A low hisbiscus hedge outside the Weld road swimming pool men's changing rooms .
This 10 foot long hedge usually had like 10 or 20 pairs of rotting,crappy,sunbleached swimming trunks draped over it.I had always assumed that these were lost or left behind pairs of trunks and that the hedge was a kind of lost and found claims desk.
I remember i nearly gagged when i discovered that the trunks were for hire, and that after one had finished with them one simply wrung them out and put them back on the hedge for the next guy who needed a pair or trunks.
This incidentaly,happened to be a very useful arrangement for guys playing truant from school-No need to fake an explanation about what wet towels and swim trunks were doing in your schoolbag!
I was playing truant for the first time in my life when i discovered the purpose of the trunks on the hedge.
I ended up not swimming that day, and i never played truant again.

Drunk in charge of decorations

2005-12-13T12:07:00.000+08:00

This year I'm putting up my tree again.
This time I'm putting it up on the world wide web.
lecram inspired me to do this after i saw his trees on his blog.I used to go round to his house for christmas a many years ago, and everytime was blown away by the trees he made fom umbrellas or,hats or, braches,bamboo and coconut shells, and even ladies underwear!
A totally wild idea that impressed the hell out of me then and still gives me a kick today.
My family started making our own original style trees and decorations every year after that.
One i remember was Mum's 8 foot chicken wire cone covered in cellophane rosettes.It looked great when it was lit up.Dad's Hanging plywood triangles was another memorable effort.Suspended from a high ceiling,with the house lights dimmed and decoration lights on, it just seemed to float in mid air! sadly I don't have any photos of them.
Can't say that I really pushed the envelope with this years effort,which incidentally is a version of last years.The green background is made up from a strip of netting that i found in an abandoned constuction site, and loads of bits of fake wisteria that came from a film shoot i worked on years ago.I have replaced the assortment of kitch plastic flowers and found objects from last year with some rather traditional deco.(I lost the bag of all my good found stuff).This years theme is "Drunk in charge of decorations".Thought I'd keep it simple.
Wishing any one who reads this a Happy and Marvellous Crimbo!

Wil's super croc and Talias Golden peacock

2005-09-19T13:05:00.000+08:00

Here is some work by Talia (6) and William(4) from a drawing session we had two weeks ago.

Two Elephant Bra

2005-09-19T11:45:00.000+08:00

This is an assemblage of some of the garbage i spend my time collecting when I'm on holiday.
I spent a couple of months wandering around bits of India.
I found a matchbox cover on a street in Calcutta
(the one that says CHEIF), Not sure why, but I liked it and decided to keep it.Then i started noticing other matchboxes, beedi wrappers,bits of packaging and printed matter that litter the streets of every place i visited in India.
Mostly it is the cheap print quality and the lurid colours that I find attractive ,but there's more to it than that.Somehow, put together, these images seem to make some kind of 'sociological' sense, or even nonsense,which i kind of like.
The bits collected ,with the help of my mate Ian (who found most of the 'good' stuff),remained in my backpack for almost two years after I got back home.) I needed the bag one day and was about to chuck out the litter at the bottom of it......
The picture you see is the end result of this story.
It is the most meaningful souvenier of any place i've visited.

I am planning to go back there to start a collection of business signboards.I remember one for a fashion Department store that simply reads"HUMOUR", and another for Sanjay Eelectrical Repairs-"Perfection is our hobby".

The Creative Kids workshop

2005-09-07T11:25:00.000+08:00

This is the second month of the Kiddies art group that I'm running from home.What I do, more or less, is guide kids through a whole range of craft acticvities, introducing them to a variety of materials and the different ways to use them ie. pencils,crayons, marker pens,paper,sissors,staples and glue.Apart from drawing and painting, we do paper dying, origami (VERY basic), Crayon-batik, printing, making masks, puppets and toys; modelling with clay/plasticine, papier mache; and lots of other fun projects.

The group is made up of six kids which is all I can handle on my own in the space I have.Their ages range from 2+ to 6 years old, and they are a pretty boisterous bunch of boys and girls.
It is a good size to work with to give them each sufficient attention during the availiable time.The 2 year old is as bright as a button, eager not to be left out of any activity and can focus on a task for almost an hour, much longer than most of the others. However she requires a lot more attention and will definitely need a smaller chair and table to work at.The better idea would be to have a helper just for her.

In every class i try to explain some basic ideas about the materials they are working with and what they can do. For example the paint sessions feature exercises on: mixing colour; using fat and thin brushes,thick and watery paint;using sponges, sticks,vegetables and leaves to draw and print with.Often they rush to finish or out-do their friends(mostly so they can play with their Gameboys or Batman /Spiderman/Human Torch).For the most part they get very excited and involved about whatever is put in front of them-as long as the presentation is fun.

Next lesson will have to include drawing,painting or making their own gameboy/Bat torch!

Basically the idea is to fire up their imaginations ;by making their own paper plate- batman masks, Will and Daniel "became" Batman for a whole afternoon: by cutting a hole out of a large cardboard box, Talia,Yasmin and Jacinta could take turns watching each other being 'on ' in the Telly; By cutting my garden plants and flowers to shreds, Tasha felt like the most powerful hairdresser on earth!

I will try to get some photos of their work on this blog soon just to record the work but mainly because kids art is always the best.

Monstrous 'Monstrocitree' Monstrocity!

2005-08-11T18:52:00.000+08:00

These intriguing dinoplants were obviously designed by Ultraman (or a relative of someone who knew someone who was a somebody in the council).
In any case pest control people aren't going to be too happy about it.
Rate payers should also be terrified about these plant/creature/things, as the cost of building them was probably a whole lot more than anyone dare to guess.I wouldn't want to go anywhere near the question of who's money was used to pay for these Monsterousitrees!
What's missing here is a whole grove of illuminated plastic palm trees. the setting would then look more appropriate ,albeit a little trippy.
In Whackland we have a saying that goes
" The only way to make crap look good is to heap more crap around it."
Thanks for the pictures Paul!

Haiku for the lucky traveller

2005-05-18T13:37:00.000+08:00

Mountain rain falling
Cow coming backside problem
Chai not possible.