Saturday, September 02, 2006

Song for Yap Ah Loy


While i'm in the mood i thought i'd pen a little operatic ditty for the soundtrack to the last post.

I kind of imagine a Tim Rice arrangement ina Evita stylee- sung quietly at first ,with the orchestra building in the second verse, to the full choir in the last verse, climaxing in an explosive and triumphant end. Oh yeah!


I used to be famous.
I'm not anymore.
I used to be someone,
But that was before.

Thought what i did mattered,
But now it ain't so.
I guess it must be time
for me to go.

I helped build this city,
Got rich eating sand.
Kids today just say
(ch. yeah whatever!)
they "don't understand".

Thought what i did counted
but that's not to be.
I knew how to cook-
just didn't have "the look",
to make history.

Nothing was easy
when i was a boy.
that's how i grew up to be
(CH. That's how he grew up to be!)
That's how I grew up to be
YAP AH LOY!

Friday, September 01, 2006

A New Short History of Bolehsia

Ok. so there's been a little commotion raised in the Dewan Rakyat about the way "History books do not reflect the nations' past ". Certain people and events that were a part of the fabric of Bolehsian history, have now been deemed "insufficiently interesting" to qualify for a place in our school textbooks.
The issue was raised by the venerable MP Dr Weekas Ong (GN Blackwater), who wondered what happened to the good old days ,and why people like Patrick Teoh and Mano Maniam had been writen out of history.
A very important point Dr Weekas. But no worries, the Education Ministry's Parliamentary Secretary, Piko Maladev, had this base expertly covered:
"...History textbooks currently in use were based on a revision of the school's syllabus, carried out in stages by the ministry since 2006," she said. What's more, "the syllabus is based on proven historical facts obtained from research by historians,academics and individuals."
As if no one was convinced of this, Maladev also explained that, "Research showed that students were not interested in history, they had difficulty understanding facts and were only memorising information without appreciating the subject.We decided to consolidate the facts to make the subject less boring."

Everything clear? If not ,then you must have been one of those who were asleep at the back of the class during lessons. Not much point in asking if it was anything to do with the way the subject was taught, or if there were sufficient access to materials and supplementary texts for teachers and students . No? Just a thought.
Anyway, I 'm writing about this because i think the EM's honourable eminance is right, It's about time we made history less complicated and more 'happening'.

It's time for Bolehean History the Remix.

Perhaps it could go something like this:

First there was King Parameswara . He was a wonderful leader who made everything he touched really great. After being very busy defeating all the forces of the dark empire and banishing them to Middle Earth, King Parameswara was tired and needed to take it easy and relax for awhile.

He had a pet baby deer and he used to take it along to picnic and frolic under an old Ipoh tree by a rivermouth.

As time went by more and more people heard about this place and started to go there quite regularly.The once quiet pristine river bank became crowded and trampled and the river became very muddy.

" Even though it this idyllic location has been thrashed, many people still seem to like this spot, for the people....they keep on coming," observed, the Mighty King P.
"I, will build a Picnic Centre here .There shall be lots of food stalls that do Seafood Tom Yam,Mee Goreng, and even Burgers and drinks and that kind of thing. Then people wouldn't have to worry about bringing their own food.It would be more convenient for everyone.I will build it and the people will come" said the king. (Thus was born the idea of convenience food.)

"I will name this place The Muddy Rivermouth Picnic Spot and Seafood Centre," said the great leader. Except for the 'Seafood centre' part, which with the rest of it was a bit of a mouthful, everyone agreed it was a good idea.

The food stalls were built, banners hung up, and people from miles around, and even further away than that, flocked to the Muddy Rivermouth to have their picnic. Word of this wonderful picnic paradise and seafood centre, spread like wildfire. It became the world's first ever tourist attraction
Despite the overcrowding, the escalating cost of tom yam, and the odd petty crime and the serious lack of parking places, the humble Muddy River Picnic spot and eating place was a great sucess. It eventually became the happening city we live in today.

King Parameswara had two children, a boy and a girl. He named them Bawi and Cindy.They both grew up to be very handsome and very beautiful.They were both blessed with magical singing voices. Whenever there was any hardship or strife in the land, whenever the nation was in any sort of difficulty, Prince Bawi and Princess Cindy would sing, and everyones troubles would melt away because their voices were so beautiful and lovely.

Prince Bawi was such a great, brave and courageous singer that he even won the extremely challenging Akademi Fantastica Singing Championships, where all the best singers in the land get together to do a sort of Rockstar elimination thing. Bawi was the best and never got eliminated and he won!

Prince Bawi is truly awesome and handsome, and all the ladies like him too. He invented Television and recently pioneered the first live television broadcast of a Boyfriend and Girlfriend splitting up. It was him and his ex, but it was a cool idea and it is going be made into a regular reality TV show.

The beautiful Princess Cindy found and married her Prince Charming. He is a brilliant , dashing and successful business tycoon, And also a kind of a prince. His mysterious moniker is, the "Datuk Formerly Known As Symbol" .Together he and his beautiful bride pioneered another reality TV show called Extreme Weddings-
based on their own gorgeous faitytale fantasy wedding which was held at the most glamourous shopping centre in the country. (Putting many Cecil B. de Mil productions to shame).

Despite the tiny glitch of not being able to be whisked away on a horse driven carriage (-no horses allowed inside the shopping centre) , the show was a a history making success of epic proportions. A marriage made in shoppers Heaven, watched by more than half the population of Kuala Lipis.

Bolehsia boleh!
And they all lived happily ever after.

That about covers all the Bolehsian history from the very begining of time until the present day.


All the names that used to be in the school textbooks for Bolehsian History can now be published in a separate occasional supplement with the TV guide, with the catchy title of Astro/NOVIP ( Not Very Interesting People).This way, no one gets left out.




Friday, May 19, 2006

Scooby Doo and The Last Supper-The Da Vinci Cod

With more than 50 million copies sold and translations made in 44 languages
Dan Brown's 'The Da Vinci Code" has to be the most disappointing thing I've ever read .
50 million people read it .Everyone i spoke to ( 6 of them) who read it said they loved it, Am I the only one who didn't? Did i miss something there? I don't think so. You smile because I'm different, I laugh because you're all the same.

Intriguing as the storyline might have seemed ,it turns out to be a thinly woven web of crap.
I thought that the characters seemed to be modelled on characters from Scooby Doo- Velma and the other guy who is not Shaggy . The Robert Langdon And Sophie Noveau of Brown's novel are unoriginal, mediocre , uninspiring and totally incidental to the "Conspiracy storyline". Sod that.
The story,and the plot and dialogue are predictable ,boring, and contrived - everything that happens in the book relies on purely on coincidence .-"Were trapped! But Wow! what's this?- a secret escape hatch! " "We're lost... Hey! I found a way out!" Sod that!
The "conpiracy" revealed has been known to house wives around the globe since before the covered wagon was introduced to cowboys- so what's secret about it! -Sod that!
That this sort of 'cartoon reality'cheesiness can cause such a religious stir around the globe is beyond my ken. So sod that too.
No doubt all the controversy and media hoohah will only help to make the movie of the book a box office smash, and yes i will probably get around to watching the movie one day in the distant future, but this weekend I'm going to watch something that does not pretend to be sophisticated and intellectual- something likeThe New Adventures of Scooby Doo!

My Verdict: The Da Vinci Code= Utter Shite

Friday, April 21, 2006

Panther Squirrel Vs Elephape


In an Animal Showdown scenario which of these guys would win?

I' ve got to get one of these!


I received some pictures by this artist in my email. I know nothing about Worth 1000.com, but the hybrid Budgeriguanas are lovely!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Iron Eagle Claw vs Mincing Monkey Fist



These are out-takes from a commercial shoot for an Olympus mju Digital Camera.
A friend suggested I go for the casting and the production company picked me because they thought i look like Kwan Teck Hing(a celebrated actor of many Hongkong made Kung Fu movies circa 1950's: most famously cast as as Wong Fei Hong (can't remember the names of the films though)

Which of these poses worries you the most?

Who needs slogans?


It's cool.
It's pointless.
It's absurd.
Is it Art?

"Memoirs of a Geisha"


If i had had my way, this excellent photograph that i took of the junk in my storeroom would have been the cover of the book or the poster for the movie.
Whateverrrr.....their loss.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Thought for the day

What rhymes with sausage?

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

A really cool idea

If you've ever wondered how to link your cyber vision, text, pictures and sound to the material world, click here to check out to a really cool idea.Lots of potential!(once i figure out how to work it)
I tried it myself but found a problem with the url, which could just be the slow learner in me.